


'cause i don't remember living life before this

by coastcitytourism



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: 2019 Season, Angst and Happiness, Experimental Style, Implied Friends With Benefits, M/M, Poetry fic, um yeah this is kinda weird
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-23 05:02:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21314605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coastcitytourism/pseuds/coastcitytourism
Summary: Your whole life has been leading up to this moment.Or, a lamentation on the meaning of a podium finish.
Relationships: Pierre Gasly/Charles Leclerc
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	'cause i don't remember living life before this

**Author's Note:**

> alright before anyone asks me what the fuck this is: i don't know. i wanted to try something in poetic style with short sentences and very little description, pretty much opposite of my normal writing that's packed with inane imagery and endless adverbs. This is purely experimental, inspired partly by the style of work by Melvin Dixon, one of my favorite poets of all time. It's a mess. I'm not really sure what came over me but I had to write SOMETHING in short sentences and abrupt pauses and this is what came to fruition. the second chapter will be Charles' pov of this, I think, if I ever get around to publishing it. Also I know pierre doesn't have a podium yet but for the intents of this fic he gets one in the next 2 races okay cool  
anyways...title is from This Life by vampire weekend. this is a work of fiction and none of the events or words i have written are intended to portray real life. please don't let this leave this site, or post anywhere else without my permission. thanks!

_"And what does this podium mean to you, Pierre? Only the third in Toro Rosso's history!"_

Breathe in. Hard work. Long days, long nights.

Train hard. Eat light. Do everything you can.

Sacrifice, throw everything you've got at it. Hope it sticks.

Drive secured. Go fast. Be better than the last guy.

New season. Go faster. Beat your teammate. _Prove them wrong._

Prove them wrong. New engine. Do better. _Do better._

New team. New life. Italy to England overnight.

Heart is in Rouen still.

Long flights. Sleep well. Stretch out, body warm.

Crash out. Cold weather. Head hurts. Breathe out. 

_I'm okay._

Inhale.

_But the car is not._

Exhale.

"Mad Max". New voices: Do better. Do better.

Match him. Lose positions. Lose time. Lose confidence.

Gain time. Gain positions. Retire the car.

Don't read the comments. 

Read the comments anyway.

Fast Fridays. Slow Sundays. Doesn't work, won't work.

Inhale. Exhale. _It's okay._

_I don't know._ Close call. _It's okay._

Do better. Get worse. _Everyone has to start somewhere. _Don't listen.

Headphones in, ignore the sounds. Engine growl. Race fuel.

Fast track. Faster teammate. Lapped.

Low voices on the radio._ It's okay. _It's not.

Promises. No promises.

Inhale.

Short summer. No sleep. 

Old friend. Red car. Hotel rooms. Rough sex.

_Feel better, feel better._ Exhale.

_I love you, Pierre._

Don't say it back. Hurt hard. Heal fast.

Drive faster. Redemption.

Heartache. New voice. Old team.

Family. Best of the rest. _Is that the best you can do?_

Midfield. See red. Be sad. Get mad. 

Celebrate in Italy. Slow sex.

A different kind of red. Taste the champagne on his lips.

_Are you okay?_

_I'm fine, Charles. I'm fine._

Drive faster. Beat your teammate. 

Do it again. Again. _Again_.

Breathe in. Keep trying. Breathe out.

Get sick. Throw up. Keep breathing. Two points. Hard fought.

Retire the car. Deserve more. Rough sex. 

He's mad this time, too. Silent treatment.

No love.

So close, so far. Fast practices. Work harder.

Same team. Same voice on the radio.

Pass him. Orange car. Pass him. Red Bull. 

P5. _Don't stop, don't stop._

Retirement in front. So close. Touch it.

Keep fighting. Two seconds. _Fifteen laps, give it your all. _

Honda jokes. VTEC. One second.

Red car. Lock up. Pass it, pass him. Touch wheels. Floor broken.

P3. Breathe hard. Heart racing, hard racing. 

_No investigation._ Inhale. Exhale. _It's okay._

Checkered flag. Finally.

Celebration. No celebratory kisses tonight.

He's mad. No love.

Toro Rosso. Make history.

Breathe in. Feel like going limp. Relief at last.

Relief at last.

Breathe out. Smile. Drink the champagne. Lift the trophy.

_We're proud of you._

It's okay now. Don't think of him.

French flag. Mind elsewhere.

Smile and speak softly.

_You got this._

_"Feels like I've been waiting my whole life for this! Everything seemed to align perfectly for today. I'm so happy I could finally bring home the results the team deserves, they've worked so hard this second half of the season to get me in a car I feel comfortable with. Thank you all so much!"_

**Author's Note:**

> wow thank u for reading this far if you did. im not really sure what this was or if i like it but i guess it's important to try new things anyway? I liked writing it so it got published but idk if I'm in love with the outcome or the "feel" of it yet.  
feel free to leave feedback...if you absolutely hate it and want to say "coast, what the fuck was that?" i won't take much offense. any and all comments are, as always, much appreciated


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